SILENT HURTS
ALCOHOL ABUSE AND VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Video:
Addressing Alcohol-Related Domestic Violence

[TRANSCRIPT PREPARED FROM A TAPE RECORDING.]

HELPING CLIENTS EXPLORE AREAS OF CONFLICT

THERAPIST:  Is that how you've dealt with him over the years is that you've sort
            of kept things smooth and calm so that he doesn't get angry?	

SHEILA:     Well, that's my role.  That's my job with him.

THERAPIST:  How did that become your job?

SHEILA:     I just know that I understand him better than somebody else.

THERAPIST:  I can hear, Sheila, that you care about him a lot and that you, it's 
            important for you to keep everything smoothly running in your house.

SHEILA:     Yes, it is.

THERAPIST:  And to keep everybody calm and happy; is that--

SHEILA:     Yes.

THERAPIST:  --is that how you see your role?

SHEILA:     That is what I have to do.  But now things are different.  I've had a
            hard time keeping everything going as smoothly as before I started 
            working.  I'm so tired. I come back.  I can't--the kitchen's a mess.
            I--I just feel like everybody's walking on pins and needles in the 
            house, especially my husband.  I mean, he's,I don't think he likes 
            that I'm working.

THERAPIST:  So would he think that you should stay home instead of--

SHEILA:     He would rather have me stay home.  I need to do this.  I mean, I 
            need, I need to do this for the money.  I mean, the financial stress
            otherwise is terrible, and it's,in some ways, it's been good for me 
            to get out and meet people and be out there. That's how I met my 
            friend whom you helped. But now it's just that when I come home
            and try to keep everything straight, and perfect, and I'm too tired.
            I come home. I'm exhausted myself, and I need to relax, and I've got
            to sit down, and I like to watch TV myself and have a few glasses of 
            wine, and I can't, I can't deal with all of the other things that I'm
            used to having to do.  I used to be able to manage and keep everything 
            going.

THERAPIST:  What is your concern about your daughter, the biggest concern that you 
            have about her right now?

SHEILA:     I think because she doesn't--I know how to handle this.  I mean, I'm a 
            grown-up,and he can tell me what I have to do, and I know I have to do 
            it, and this is my job.  I'm the one that keeps everybody going.  But 
            she's just this girl.  I mean, she's 16, and she's, she can't, she can't
            do what I can do, and I--I'm worried that they're just going to lay on 
            each other, and I just I don't want her to get hurt.

THERAPIST:  And that's what you're worried about right now, it sounds like.

SHEILA:     I can't, I can't think about what could happen if we don't help keep
            her protected. [Pause.]